i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
