you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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