Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
