GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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