I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
