1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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