I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
