you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
