i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
