How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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