why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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