Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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