wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
