feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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