Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
