we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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