I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
