those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
