It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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