I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
