Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
3pm strippers are depressing
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
