very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
