when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
