The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
