my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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