Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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