His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dick very happy bro
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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