idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
