I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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