Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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