she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize