Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
