I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
