I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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