Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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