When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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