I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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