i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
bring money and cleavage
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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