o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
