Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm bleeding and have questions
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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