you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
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Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
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Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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