i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize