If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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