i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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