i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
