Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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