dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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