I look better un-naked...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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