my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
