Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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