Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
