Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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