she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
