she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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