Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
