soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
