Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
