You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
