'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
