At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
me + whiskey = a bad person
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
