My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
