I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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