and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
