i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
