i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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