left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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