Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
