so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
