im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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